Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
