i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i think my tv is drunk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
