Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
