Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
