Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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