Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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