i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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