P.S. I can't hear my feet
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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