I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sex in a hospital.. check
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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