So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
