I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
