He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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