Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
