I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is the high leading the old right now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
