I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He felt like a one man threesome
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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