I am in a vortex of obligation.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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