oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
