Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize