ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
