At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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