but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
