Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I faked an abortion last night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
