They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
