also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize