I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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