I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
