i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
