Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
