I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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