happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
