You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
