woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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