my mouth tastes like poor choices
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All the doctor said was why
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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