I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
