I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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