Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
