why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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