I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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