I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
