I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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