i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
