Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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