Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
