my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
