she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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