Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
