oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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