Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
