So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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