If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
