I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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