So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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