Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
