I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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