You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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