There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
