His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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