Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
