sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
