I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were trust falling into bushes
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