Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
