Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
