Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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