Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
