Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
