My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
