Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
