12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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