p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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