As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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