you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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