he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
