I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
