yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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