You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
